There’s More to Life Than Calc II

Let’s keep this brief.

As always, I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.  Rather than studying for my exams and actually being a responsible person, I’m blogging.

As always.

(But are you really surprised?)

I could start off by saying a lot of things:  I’m really into making mistakes with my sex life,  I’ve become friends with half of Michigan’s Rowing Team because of my Twitter, and I once filled an empty handle of vodka with water at a party and no one noticed.  (My morality is still up in the air.)  But I’d rather save the strategically picked quirky/funny aspects about me for a rainy day and go right into the pressing matters:  I’ve been studying so much for finals that when my roommate’s alarm went off a couple of days ago, I thought it was a Physics equation.  Don’t ask me how, just know that the derivative of a wave function is the same thing as the default alarm sound on the iPhone 5s.  Clearly, I don’t belong at the University of Michigan.

At the cost of $26,000+ a year, I’m actually going insane.

Fortunately, my slow descent into insanity will end in approximately four days.  Four days and I’ll be a sophomore in college.  And the only thing that’s separating me from it are two exams.  A quarter of my college experience is already gone and I’ve wasted it on average Netflix shows and too many bags of Skinny Pop.

But have no fear, I’ll probably pass Calc II.

I’ve gone from being a clueless employee at a convenience store to being an employee who pretends he knows what he’s doing when he’s actually a clueless employee at a convenience store.

I’m a changed man.

But in all seriousness I’ve learned a lot during Freshman Year and a lot’s happened.  (All of which involve my inability of being a respectful person in about every situation I’m in.)  Here’s a list to catch up:

  1. Having your roommate walk in on you masturbating isn’t as awkward as one would think.
  2. Wearing the same pants for six days straight is not only common but encouraged.
  3. Never trust the washers and dryers in Bursley.
  4. It took me 9 months to get past the fart barrier with my roommate and it took him 2 hours.
  5. Microwaveable Easy Mac is a sufficient meal.
  6. I learned more watching House of Cards than in an entire semester of Government.
  7. Watching Netflix at 2am the night before an exam is probably not the best idea (Just trust me on this one)
  8. If the word “skinny” is in the food name it has no calories.
  9. The Bursley Baits bus owns my soul.
  10. As do the drivers.
  11. Reading, Netflix, and The Ability to Tweet Funny Things aren’t GPA boosters and UMich doesn’t care about you.
  12. Taylor Swift with always save the day.
  13. When your boss says “It’s been a pleasure working with you” after your last shift you probably shouldn’t just shrug and say “Yeah, whatever” just because you literally don’t know how to socialize.
  14. Be responsible with the amount of printing pages you give ever semester.  -$13.31?  Really?
  15. I will never know how to say the word coherent and that’s just something I’ll have to accept.
  16. Tweeting a fake tweet to see if you’ll get onto the table toppers in the dining hall can have its consequences.  Like actually getting your tweet on the table toppers in the dining hall.  (P.S. the chicken tenders in Bursley are sub par)
  17. The “Only Take One Thing To Eat After Your Shift” Rule is so not a rule.
  18. I look like I’m an asshole (Source: Random Stranger #305 on Grindr)
  19. I am a light weight.
  20. I can’t take more than three shots in one sitting.
  21. Will I still do it?  Probably.
  22. My major is Chemistry…  No, English. No, Spanish… No, Chemical Engineering.   No, Biology.  No, Chemistry.  No, Biochem.
  23. Did I mention I’m indecisive?

But that’s all in the past, right?  Here’s to a great summer, a great blog, and (hopefully) a great Sophomore Year.

1/4 of the way done.

(Only suffered a few minor social injuries.)

I can do this.

Let’s start Chapter Two.

3 thoughts on “There’s More to Life Than Calc II

  1. Hey Zach,

    You have a well organized post with some humor here and there to keep the reader hooked. I enjoied reading it a lot. You seem very aware of what’s going on regardless on your current occupantion with your studies and work (Er, distractions, if you will). I love how you admit to having this small, tideous flaw in the pronounciation of ‘coherent’ (co-here-rnt). I think it’s funny. Adds some personality. It’s cute.

    And you’ll make it. Don’t you worry. Experiment all you want. Keep listening to Taylor Swift and push through!

    -Jorge the Giraffe


  2. Pingback: How to Become a Hermit in Two Months: A Guide by Yours Truly | This might make you laugh.

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